Do you ever have days where you wonder why you started something.... like cleaning out a closet and wondering how such a small place could hold so much stuff.... and now you're left trying to find a place to put it all because left sitting there, it is just a whole pile of chaos that needs to be dealt with! What to hold on to, what to let go of, where to put it, should it be there....
Sometimes my brain and heart feels like that, a closet that needs to be emptied out, but I know if I start, I won't know what to do with it all... there's so much stuff in there, no where to put it, no time to empty it out, perhaps no desire to empty it out because it might reveal the raw emotions that are threatening to suffocate me... harboring anger, regret, pain, annoyance, happiness, hopes, dreams, what ifs, why nots.
The mind can play tricks on you, wreaking havoc with your emotions, taunting your heart, magnifying thoughts of negativity where there were none before, imagining events that may never happen, causing you to question every action you take, every comment you make...
...leaving you wondering if you truly are a good person or just going through the motions of letting everyone think you are, because you know there are people out there who are truly good and righteous and would never let a bad word cross their lips, a hurtful thought cross their minds, or a selfish act grace their heart. The type of person who would share their knowledge generously, give praise freely, accept compliments gracefully, offer the benefit of doubt without question, lead with their heart and expect nothing in return.
I am not a perfect person, I never will be... I cannot be... but I can try to be... we can all try to be. That is all I can hope to be my peace from chaos!
Happy life!
I'm not a perfect person either. But, God loves us and He is perfecting us.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good post and I can totally relate.
FlowerLady
I'm not a perfect person either - and to be honest, I don't think I want to be. It's way too much hard work to be perfect - in my humble opinion anyway. :o)
ReplyDeleteThose thoughts and worries that go through your head, are refining who you are...
ReplyDeleteNone of us are perfect, being aware of our good, and bad points is how we learn to grow, change, become a little more of who we would like to be.
Heather, this is a beautiful post, very thoughtful, you are once again setting the bar higher for all of us.
Jen
It's a struggle for sure. I question myself constantly and have a habit of "replaying" things in my head to make sure I did the right, or better thing. It's the people who don't question and believe they are perfect are the ones I worry about.
ReplyDeleteYou put this all into words so eloquently and expressed so many things I have felt quite often.
Ann
“If people reach perfection they vanish, you know.”
ReplyDelete― T.H. White, The Once and Future King
Perfection is ephemeral and based on perception. It only exists if you think it exists - just like Santa. People who have the courage to just be themselves are more perfect to me than someone who has wasted their life trying to be who they think they should be.
ReplyDelete